This is a pretty simple question with a weirdly complicated answer.
And I will say now that the song you probably think is officially the shortest song ever… well, I don’t think it actually is.
Shortest ever charting song
Before we get on to the actual shortest song, let’s begin with the contest for the shortest song to ever chart in the UK.
The Unites States of Whatever
In 2002 the award went to Liam Lynch and his song ‘The United States of Whatever’.
This is a spoken-word song about a teenage edgelord telling people he doesn’t care about them, and always just responds to anything they say with “whatever”.
Despite it being a joke/parody song, it was still very popular at the time with teenagers (myself included), who maybe didn’t understand the sarcasm of the song.
Spider Pig
We all remember this as the best part of The Simpsons Movie. This supposedly improv song by Homer Simpson is a 1 minute and 4 seconds parody of the Spiderman theme tune.
It’s silly and funny, though it obviously works better with the visuals of Homer holding the pig upside down, so it walks on the ceiling.
The Ladies Bras
In 2007 the title was taken by Johnny Trunk & Wisbey, with their song ‘The Ladies Bras’.
This is a parody song (shockingly) about ladies panties and ladies bras and is sung to the music The Gonk by Herbert Chappell.
The song is so silly and joyful that I am so thankful it has never been beaten in the UK charts by a shorter song.
However, these are just songs that have charted. Now let’s get into the meat of the matter and discuss the actual shortest song.
The shortest song ever recorded
Commonly touted as the shortest song ever recorded is the seminal work of Napalm Death: You Suffer
The song is 1.3 seconds long and somehow also contains lyrics: “You suffer, but why?”
Napalm death are a grindcore band, combining elements of thrash, death metal and hardcore punk. Their songs are short, heavy, lacking melody or clean lyrics.
You Suffer is all of these elements combined down into the smallest possible form.
I have read in several places that this song is officially recognised by Guinness World Records as the shortest song ever recorded.
However the record does not appear on the Guinness World Records website.
There is a listing for a different record though…
The Shortest Song to enter the Billboard 100
Let’s take another tangent. We’ll get to You Suffer soon, I swear.
So, the Shortest Song to enter the Billboard 100.
This record goes to the 2016 song PPAP, which stands for Pen-Pineapple-Apple-Pen.
The song was created by Japanese comedian Daimaou Kosaka as his character Pikotaro.
The very silly, nonsense song was a hit in Japan and then became a bit of a viral hit across the world, with the original video amassing 742 million views on YouTube at the time of writing.
So, back to the point: the Guinness World Record website doesn’t actually have an entry for the shortest song ever recorded.
I emailed them about this to see if they could confirm that You Suffer does actually hold the record for the shortest song, but what I got back was their stock response saying that it may be a record but isn’t yet uploaded to the website.
Which is annoying.
If anyone does have an edition of the Guiness Book of World records that holds the record, please do let me know!
Another contender
As I mentioned, the Guinness World Record website doesn’t actually have an entry for the shortest song ever recorded. While the record may exist in an old edition of the book, I currently can’t say.
This means that there may be other songs out there that are potential contenders for the shortest song ever.
So, here is my contender for the title.
All – The Descendents
All is a very short song that contains just the word “All”.
It is sometimes referred to as the bands’ magnum opus, representing the bands mantra and guiding principle: quite simply: All.
All became such a big part of the band that it actually became the name of the band when they performed without Descendents vocalist, Milo Aukerman.
So let’s compare the two songs.
The song ‘You Suffer’ is claimed to be 1.316 seconds long.
I don’t actually know how to work out the length of a song down to decimal places.
But what I CAN do is put both songs into my video editing software and compare their lengths.
This isn’t exactly a scientific method, but visually comparing the sections where there is sound: I feel comfortable saying that All is a shorter song!
Obviously this is just one song and there may be other contenders out there, but I am prety confident that You Suffer isn’t actually the shortest song ever made.
The shortest LP
Going back to Napalm Death for a second, here is another very fun (if technically unverified) fact.
You Suffer was first released in 1989 as a 7″ single. On the B-side was the song ‘Mega-Armageddon Death Part 3’ by the band Electro-Hippies.
That song also lasts for just over one second, making this the shortest single ever released.
By the way, the song Mega Armageddon Death Part 1 lasts for 5 seconds.
I couldn’t actually find a song titled Mega Armageddon Death Part 2, but there is an extended version of the original Mega Armageddon Death (lasting for 24 seconds), and that may count as part 2?
Anyway, this single wasn’t actually sold for a price, but was instead given away free with purchase of the compilation album ‘Grindcrusher‘, which contained 24 songs from various grindcore and death metal bands.
Wrap up
Napalm Deaths ‘You Suffer’ may or may not be officially recognised as the shortest song ever recorded.
What matters is that it’s fun! The band have stated they play You Suffer dozens of times at some gigs because the audiences just loves it.
There is something fun about very short songs that seems to have died off in recent years. ‘The Ladies Bras’ still holds the record for the shortest single to chart in the UK singles charts, and that came out all the way back in 2007!
If you have wanted short songs in the past 2 decades, then I guess You Suffer.
But maybe with the new era of short-form content we will start to get shorter songs again.
If so, I will be sure to listen to them ALL!
